34-year-old homeowner refuses to let his brother's family of 5 live with him after they got foreclosed on, brother refuses offers to stay with their parents: 'They don't want to live by my parents' rules.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Mar 14, 2025 4:00 PM EDT

Single people are so disrespected in society. No piece of art embodies that idea better than season 6, episode 9 of S*x and the City. In this episode, Carrie goes to a party at a no-shoes household. When she goes to leave, she finds that her $400 shoes have been stolen from the pile of shoes that tends to accumulate at parties like this. The host offers to pay her back for the shoes until she learns how much they cost. The host says that because she has kids, she cannot imagine paying that extravagant a price for a pair of shoes. She gives Carrie a check for less than half the value of the shoes and sends her on her way. Married people with kids are validated for their bad financial choices as long as they go towards the so-called good of the family, but single people get the brush because their investments are silly and selfish.

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  • That is, until they think the single person can help them out of a financial bind. The family in this story want to invade the husband's single brother's house, and freaks out when he refuses to accommodate a family of 5 in his living quarters. 

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    via Nathan Dumlao

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA for refusing to let my brother's family stay with me after they lost their home?

    I (34M) own a modest 3-bedroom house that I bought five years ago. I live alone and use one bedroom as my home office (I WFH full-time) and the other as a guest room/hobby space where I keep my music equipment and gaming setup.
    via u/Exciting_Control100
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    My brother (38M) and his wife (36F) recently lost their home due to financial issues. They have three kids (12F, 10M, 7F). Their financial problems stem from a series of poor decisions - my brother lost his good-paying job two years ago after repeatedly showing up late, then bounced between jobs while his wife worked part-time. They kept their
    via u/Exciting_Control100
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    kids in expensive private schools and activities they couldn't afford, refused to downsize from their large house, and ignored my parents' and my advice about budgeting. Eventually, they couldn't keep up with mortgage payments and were foreclosed on.
    via u/Exciting_Control100
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    via todd kent

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    When they lost their home, they asked if they could stay with me "just for a few months" until they get back on their feet. Here's where I might be the AH: I said no.
    via u/Exciting_Control100
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    My reasons: 1. My house is simply too small for 6 people. They'd need to take over my entire living space. 2. I need my home office to work, and I can't work effectively with three kids running around.
    via u/Exciting_Control100
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    3. I value my peace and quiet, and frankly, I don't want my life turned upside down. 4. Their "few months" could easily turn into a year or more based on their financial history.
    via u/Exciting_Control100
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    5. My parents offered to let them stay in their larger home, but they refused because they "don't want to live by my parents' rules." Instead of letting them stay, I offered to pay for a hotel for two weeks and help them find an affordable apartment. I also offered to cover their security deposit. My brother exploded,
    via u/Exciting_Control100
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    calling me selfish and saying I have plenty of space and am "choosing things over family." My parents are torn - they understand my position but think I could "make it work temporarily."
    via u/Exciting_Control100
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    Since then, my brother's family moved in with my parents (despite not wanting to earlier), and I'm getting constant texts from extended family about how I abandoned my brother in his time of need. My brother's wife is posting passive-aggressive things on social media about "finding out who your real family is during hard times."
    via u/Exciting_Control100
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    via Christin Hume

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    So AITA for not letting them stay with me?
    via u/Exciting_Control100
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    CarrieLee0407 NTA - Its not YOUR responsibility to fix what your brother let fall apart. They should have managed their money better to avoid this situation. Who in their right mind would move an entire family into a house that does not easy accommodate them. You're house is set up for you. I'm sure you would end up being their personal baby sitter as well. Things would get damaged or if they dont want to follow your parents rules, Im sure they arent going to want to follow yours either.
    via u/CarrieLee0407
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    Eliza_Mistress Exactly this. NTA. If they won't respect OP parents' rules, they wouldn't respect him either.
    via u/Eliza_Mistress
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    DirectAntique And i would be telling extended family to mind their own business
    via u/DirectAntique
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    Luxodad I'm getting constant texts from extended family about how I abandoned my brother in his time of need. I would put their texts on a group chat with all the family, thanking them for their concern and their implied offer to house your brother and his family.
    via u/Luxodad
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    My brother's wife is posting passive-aggressive things on social media about "finding out who your real family is during hard times" She is welcome to stay with that real family.
    via u/Luxodad
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    My parents offered to let them stay in their larger home, but they refused because they "don't want to live by my parents' rules" So they want to stay at your spaceless house with five people because they feel they would be able to override your rules? ΝΤΑ
    via u/Luxodad
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    Mundane_Look5516 NTA. They had a better alternative (living with your parents) that they were against because they didn't want to follow the rules. Unless your parents have insane rules, I'm guessing your brother thought he and his family could railroad you and take over your home completely. You offered a lot of very reasonable help, and if he truly wanted to get his life together he wouldn't taken you up on your offer to help him find an apartment and pay for the security deposit. Any family m
    via u/Mundane_Look5516
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    debby8541 NTA. They clearly had plans to take advantage of you that's why they didn't want to live with the parents or take you up on the offer of help for an apartment.
    via u/debby8541
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    Economy_Algae_418 Advice every new homeowner needs -- people may eye you as someone who has "won the lottery." Friends and family you formerly got along with when you rented now see you, the homeowner as 'rich' - as a resource they are entitled to exploit.
    via u/Economy_Algae_418
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    holdingpotato NTA I'd correct them, you didn't abandon your brother in time of need, you actually offered to do a lot for him, he simply didn't want anything except exactly what he wanted. It appears that he has not learned anything from his experience as he is still acting like his reality isn't real.
    via u/holdingpotato
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    Sea-Strawberry-1358 Yes and offering to pay a deposit is a big win for the brother. That can easily be thousands of dollars. If I was that guy, I would take the deposit offer and s k it up with the parents for a few months. The parents probably have "rules" because they know him enough.
    via u/Sea-Strawberry-1358

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housing kids brother house siblings homeowner homeownership reddit story family reddit thread Reddit parents children brothers apartment family drama
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